Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
