No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
