That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
