Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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