he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
