I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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