yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
