so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
