How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
