Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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