I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
