I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
