Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
two words: eviction party
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
