he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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