No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
