I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Someone shit on the floor
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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