last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
