Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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