Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
