A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
