Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
