I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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