I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
how drunk are you?
Several
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
