who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
