shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize