can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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