Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
