No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
