Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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