Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize