I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
