Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
