If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
