tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
