did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize