you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
