Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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