just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
