sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
