do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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