I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
