Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
