Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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