Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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