LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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