didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
