i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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