bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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