the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
