You smell like stripper and shame
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
