I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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