OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
