How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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