A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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