I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
