Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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