And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
