i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
