I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
