after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
