Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize