I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
