If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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