Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
