I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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