I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if only i could text you this smell
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
