If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
