Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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