Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize