I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
