i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
