The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
