i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize