I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
