It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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