Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
