dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
