Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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