So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
