Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
