girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
