I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
