Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
