yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
