super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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